This blog post was adapted from Episode 3 of our podcast, DriveTime.
Conversations surrounding sex need to be good, true, and most importantly, point back to Christ. Sometimes though, it can be easy to think that sexual integrity just isn’t possible. Thankfully, new data suggests something is happening in this generation that is unique from any other generation… teens are choosing to wait for sex!
Only 44 percent of girls and 47 percent of boys between the ages of 15 and 19 had sexual intercourse at least once from 2011 to 2013. That’s down from 51 percent of girls and 60 percent of boys in 1988. Less than half of U.S. teenagers ages 15 to 19 are having sex, a rate dramatically lower than it was a quarter-century ago. This is good news. Youth are having less sex today than they were several years ago.
Even further, Practicing Christians (72%) are almost twice as likely as adults of no faith (38%) to say that choosing not to have sex outside marriage is a healthy choice. Women (56%) are more likely than men (43%) to hold this view. Compared to those who have never been married (41%), people who are married (53%) and, somewhat surprisingly, cohabitating adults (49%) are more likely to strongly agree with the statement!
So what does all of this mean? Sexual integrity is possible in today’s world. However, if we are going to see our kids follow God’s standards for sex, we must communicate to them the fact that sexual integrity is about more than just waiting.
Sexual integrity is about more than holding onto your virginity.
For too long, we’ve made waiting mainly about holding onto our virginity. However, the model this follows is flawed. It places virginity at the foundation. Thus, if we take away a person’s foundation (virginity) the house crumbles. When we are making our choice to wait without the inclusion of Christ, we do it on our own strength. Yes, you can white knuckle it and make it to your wedding day as a virgin, but is this the only thing God wants for you? There are plenty of people that wait to have sex but never glorify God with this gift.
When Christ is placed first, we center our life around Him. This is what makes sexual integrity possible! It’s not about a list of rules and regulations, it’s about what makes someone whole… and only Jesus Christ can make this a reality. What we do should come from our desire to walk in obedience, because He first loved us and teaches us what love is.
Sexual integrity allows sex to be about more than just the physical.
Yes, teens who choose to have sex risk doing great harm to their physical bodies. There are millions of teenagers in America who, thinking they were invulnerable and somehow immune, wind up with one or more sexually transmitted diseases or infections. Millions of others have gotten pregnant, and others have had abortions. Kids need to know that “safe sex” is a lie. Using a condom isn’t the answer to all of their fears.
But if we are to truly understand what it means to live with sexual integrity, we need to go beyond the physical. In fact, this only encompasses one part of what sex is as showed to us in scripture. When you read the text in Genesis it speaks of sex being relational, creating oneness and unity, and making it something that includes the mind, soul, and spirit.
Sexual integrity requires Jesus.
No matter the story told surrounding sex in our culture, the church should always be using this discussion to point back to Jesus Christ. If we are to have a generation that chooses to follow God’s design for sex in marriage, then it needs to be about something much greater. It needs to be about a relationship that we share with the creator of this gift. It needs to be about a love that compels another to wait, not simply because they believe this is right but because they are compelled by the love of Christ to treat their body as a temple that glorifies the Creator.
Finally, since this conversation requires Jesus, it also provides space for us to be forgiven for past mistakes, and allow shame to be replaced with grace. This conversation gives opportunity, no matter our past choices, to be forgiven and move forward in a direction that honors the plans God has for this wonderful thing called sex.
DriveTime is a tool for you as a parent to get equipped, so you can better engage the world your son or daughter inhabits.
Check out further discussions around whether or not sexual integrity is actually possible on our podcast, DriveTime. Available now where ever you get your podcasts, or right here:
Jason Soucinek is the Executive Director and founder of Project Six19. Dedicated to talking honestly about matters of sex, sexuality and relationships. Jason has spent more than a decade engaging audiences of all ages and backgrounds.
Walt Mueller is the founder and President of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding and has been working with young people and families for over 35 years.