This week, I was talking to a guy about his purity journey, the questions he’s having, and the struggles he’s been walking through in life. I believe he’s currently on a course of truly discovering the kind of man that God wants him to become. After having read an article I recently sent him about recovery, he mentioned one of the things that has really challenged him is “moving towards truth.”
What does that really mean for someone in recovery from a sexual addiction?
I think one of the most basic, foundational steps a man or woman must take early in recovery is to get honest with themselves about their lives. I mean BRUTALLY honest. And when you think about it, how can you truly be honest with other individuals in your life if you can’t even be truthful with yourself?
Moving towards Truth (by being honest with God & yourself) means admitting you’re a very broken person in need of healing and wholeness from the wounds, voids, and empty places in your heart that you’ve tried to fill with pornography, acting out, affairs, or whatever it might be. This also means acknowledging feelings and emotions that you’ve probably tried to bury for many years.
It means feeling again.
The tragedy of all this is that so many people are unwilling to take that first step. They refuse to be honest with themselves. And in turn, what people see on the outside is really a shattered, insecure person wandering through life.
What stops a person from being honest? I know there are many, many reasons. But here’s 3 that I thought were pretty significant:
This one is sure to be universal amongst all people. That sense of shame we feel if others were to really know the “real me”. We’re afraid to let people in our world because they’ll think we’re perverts, weird, or should I even go so far as to say “lost sinners” (a popular mindset in the church). And for those reasons, we can’t face the reality of what lies beneath the surface.
Another crippling illusion is the thought that porn will love us when others don’t. “Porn doesn’t reject me” is a mindset so many share. The enemy really has a hay-day selling us lies that the best sex is only a few clicks away. Why do we need a real person when we have our smartphone?
“I deserve this” can be subtle but very present pattern of thought too. We live in a culture that cares only for itself and what it can gain for satisfaction. And so many men and women believe something is owed to them. Even when it comes to sex. My heart really breaks for you if you feel this way. The harm this kind of thinking does to a person is devastating.
Again, there are so many more reasons why dishonesty and isolation control a person’s life. But I think it’s safe to say that all of the reasons above are rooted in LIES. If there’s ever been a day in this age to properly know the difference between the truth and the lie, it’s today! I think much of it starts with our thinking and burrows down into our heart.
One of my favorite passages of Scripture will always be Philippians 4:8-9. It’s particularly great in the Message:
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”
Don’t allow ANYTHING to keep you from being 100% honest today. Your healing and wholeness really do lie in your ability allow light to shine on dark places and then to practice honesty on a daily basis. The more you do, the stronger you become. And you will find a freedom you have never known before.
As cliche as the old saying is, honesty really is the best policy.
Frank Honess is a blogger and podcaster at Purity For Life, a ministry which exists to help individuals find sexual integrity through Jesus Christ. Currently living southern Delaware, Frank’s beautiful family includes his wife Tracey, and their two children, Nathan (4) and Addison (2). He loves being a “purity coach” for men, drinking tons of coffee, tinkering with technology, and most of being the man that God has called him to be.