When Time Doesn’t Heal a Broken Heart

February 6, 2020 / BY Kristin Fry

People say time heals.

I sometimes wonder about that. Particularly when I’m in the middle of a devastating loss with no promised time table on when the loss will no longer feel like a loss.

But whether true or not; whether time really does heal or not – when I’m in the middle of something really painful or difficult, that’s the last thing I want repeated to me. It feels like such a callous response to my heart that is clearly in a million pieces on the floor. How exactly does time work?

There is a song on the radio that says, “What if time doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do. What if I never get over you”.

And that’s the thought that fear, doubt, and confusion are all telling me in the middle of a broken heart. They are constantly tempting me to ask the question, “What if time doesn’t heal?”

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But what I do know is that time all by itself will do very little. Waiting for time to tick by will be incredibly unproductive. And if that’s all I do, then no, time will not heal. It’s not until I make the choice to be an active participant with time. And that’s not always easy, and it’s not always quick. But I know it’s true.

I have to make the choice to want to heal. Which is hard. Sometimes it’s easier to wallow in self-pity. Sometimes it even feels more hopeful. If I can keep feeling the pain of my broken heart, then maybe that means it’s not really over. And maybe the love that was lost will resurrect itself. But that can be a dangerous trap. Instead, when I choose to heal, I’m also choosing to declare, “it’s over”.

And that’s maybe the worst part. But it’s also the first step toward something new; the first step toward allowing time to heal.

Here is what I know to be true. If I can love like that once, I can love like that again. And if this love that I thought was forever, wasn’t, then how much greater will the love be that is.

Time really can heal. If I want it too.


This post originally appeared on Kristin’s blog here. Used by permission.

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Kristin Fry is an author and speaker on topics of leadership, relationships, and emotional health. In her book, Beyond the Swipe, she addresses dating in the digital age, instilling confidence and hope in those who are wanting to date well. She has been a staff member at the nation’s largest churches and Christian Universities, and currently lives in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, or kristinfry.com

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